Talk:Pengytess/@comment-10444598-20130611000420

Hey Pengytess! So i checked out ur comment and read it through and now here's the edit!

Chapter One

 ''I dashed in speed as if I were a race car. My clothes were all wet and soaked. Everyone was looking at me because I was the new girl. In my old school...it was bullying. The principal and teachers never did anything to help if we told them. The bullies would just lie! I went into my classroom and so many people were there. One girl walked up to me and said "Hi! You must be the new girl! I'm Lily" Um hi, I'm Tara." I said.  I sat down next to Lily. We began studying for a long time. When second period came, it was time for Phys.Ed. Our class went to the locker rooms to change. I changed into my gym clothes. I peeked into the entrance to the gym. Everyone was whispering and laughing. When I stepped out, everyone stopped whispering and stared at me. Time passes and we're playing volleyball. "Hey Lily, bet you can't catch this!" a boy said with blonde hair. When he threw the ball, it accidently went flying to my face! I fell down and hit my head on the hard gym floor. Everything went black.''

   I hoped it helped! and i also changed the words a bit and added a little more detail. Like, with the part of "a boy with blonde hair said" and "Everyone was whispering and laughing" .I thought that adding  details will make it have more details. (that made no sense) We should keep doing this until you write this story. Ya with me? Sorry it's SOOO long! do you like the name Tara? I took from a book i read that's in a series. If you want me to edit more things, just keep posting them on the blog 'bout you! Sorry it's SOO LONG (AGAIN) If you made it this far congrats! Hoped this helped!